


Living Loving Maid

by KittyAug, KittyAugust (KittyAug)



Series: SPN Prompts & Challenges [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cursed objects, Destiel Christmas Minibang, Destiel Christmas Minibang 2015, Gender or Sex Swap, M/M, Presents, Sam Ships It, Sam doesn't know, Secret Relationship, Spells & Enchantments, Temporary Gender or Sex Swap, accidentally secret relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5381108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyAug/pseuds/KittyAug, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyAug/pseuds/KittyAugust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It looks innocuous enough. It’s just a present. A box wrapped in silver paper with a dark blue ribbon. It’s just sitting there, in the middle of the bunker’s library table. All unopened and unlabeled and tempting.</p><p>Sam gets more than he bargained for when Dean gets curious. Because that's fair!</p><p><a href="http://destielchristmasminibang.tumblr.com/">Destiel Christmas Minibang:</a> Presents!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Loving Maid

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a Led Zeppelin song.
> 
> Love and kittens to WTINP for the beta job, and all the infinite gratitude and talent envy for my artist [OsirisJones](http://osirisjones.tumblr.com/post/134787446381/destiel-christmas-mini-bang-10-december-2015).
> 
> Art Post: [OsirisJones](http://osirisjones.tumblr.com/post/134787446381/destiel-christmas-mini-bang-10-december-2015)

It looks innocuous enough. It’s just a present. A box wrapped in silver paper with a dark blue ribbon. It’s just sitting there, in the middle of the bunker’s library table. All unopened and unlabeled and tempting.

Sam isn’t all that worried about it, to be honest. He figures it’s part of Dean’s attempt to ‘get into the spirit’ of Christmas and he ignores it. Until Dean walks in much later in the afternoon and goes straight for the sparkly little box.

“What’s that?” Dean asks, half accusingly, pointing at the present with his chin. He’s trying too hard to pretend that he isn’t itching with curiosity, so Sam knows it’s probably not a prank.

“Don’t know,” Sam admits with a shrug. “Didn’t you say Cas wanted to try the whole gift-mas thing? Maybe it’s that?”

Sam is pretty sure it isn’t Cas’s gift for Dean, though. Sam has already experienced the exhausting joy of taking an agonised angel to try pick a present for a washed out hunter. The mystery box most certainly isn’t what Cas had eventually settled on for Dean. Sam frowns at that.

“Yeah but, why’d he leave it here?”

Dean picks it up and shakes it while he speaks then glares at it.

“I’m gonna go asks him,” Dean says suddenly and leaves the room.

Okay. So, that was odd. But Dean’s always a bit odd when it comes to Cas. Sam shakes it off and forgets about it. Unlike everyone else in this bunker Sam is actually working on researching this whole Darkness business instead of going loopy over Christmas of all freaking things. Not that Sam minds. Much. Maybe he should ask for a thank you for Christmas?

* * *

Sam is shocked out of his research and into sudden alertness the next morning, when a tall woman walks into the library and glares at him.

“Where’s Cas,” the mystery woman demands.

Sam’s up and out of his chair and cursing himself for telling Dean that they didn’t need to hide angel blades in every room of the bunker. He’s got a gun over-

“Dude,” she snaps. “It’s me. Dean.”

Sam doesn’t feel convinced.

“Mystery Planet, alright?” says the woman claiming to be Dean, and wearing one of Dean’s tee-shirts and holding up what appear to be Dean’s boxers around her waist, for that matter. It’s their code word for just this- well not this specific thing but any body swap-esque situation. Which is, you know, the sort of thing they need a code word for because, Winchesters. Sam’s still not convinced though, a shifter could-

“You can cut me with silver or something,” Maybe-Dean says and rocks up and down impatiently on her heels. “But tell me where Cas is while you do it, okay? It’s important. Like apple pie important, Sammy.”

That’s two code words in less than a minute which is just making Sam more suspicious.

But as if she can read it in Sam’s expression Dean rolls her (his?) eyes, and shoves what appears to be the gift box from last night into Sam’s hands. Then she stomps over to the library sideboard and pulls out the drawer full of silver. It is a very Dean gesture. She (he?) pulls out a knife and cuts himself with it while making a face.

“See,” Dean says. “Now, will you tell me where Cas is?”

“Okay,” Sam says, with all the patience he can muster at 6am and faced with his brother walking around half a foot shorter again. Not to mention the added bonus of tits and, well, god knows what else. Nope. Don’t think about that. “So, how long ago did this happen?”

“Dunno, 20 minutes? Half an hour maybe? After I opened the box, then I woke up like this. I ah- needed to figure out what was going on first?” Dean smirks at Sam in a way that is all Dean, and way too much information.

“Gross,” Sam groans. Dean is unrepentant. As usual.

“I’ve been planning what I’d do in this situation since, well, ever-” Dean says, “but seriously, since the whole ginger-bread house thing.” Dean looks at him like that makes sense, like it’s obvious that he’d have a plan for this situation and that the plan would involve things Sam really needs to not think about. Sam stares back, still very unimpressed. So Dean adds a, “Dude, like you wouldn’t!”

Dean smirks even further up at Sam than usual and punches his arm, just as hard as usual. Ow.

Sam shakes his head and relents.

“Cas is in the kitchen, I think,” Sam says. “But why are you so keen on finding him? Think his mojo can fix it?”

Dean shrugs, but he’s got that grin that always comes before he makes bad decisions. Ones that always work out worse for Sam than they do for Dean, despite being technically Dean’s mistakes.

“Don’t know, but I _also_ don’t know how long this thing is gonna last. So you make with the research,” Dean waves his hand vaguely towards the bookshelves and the gift. “And I’m gonna get Cas to help- um try some other things. K’ bye.”

Sam blinks as Dean retreats as suddenly as he’d appeared this time in the direction of the kitchen.

It is so hasty in fact that it takes Sam’s pre-caffeine brain a few minutes to catch up with everything Dean just said.

Oh no. No, no, no.

“Dean, don’t-” Sam calls out after him, even though it’s probably already too late.

* * *

It is too late.

By the time Sam catches up, Dean’s already got a mildly startled Cas bailed up against the wall before dragging him by the tie into Dean’s room and slamming the door. Pointedly, if you ask Sam. Not that anyone ever does ask Sam.

Sam cringes. He could storm in there and tell Dean not to hurt Cas’s feelings. Sam has eyes. Sam is aware that Cas is totally, rebelled-from Heaven for you, gone on Dean Winchester.

Apparently all it took to get Dean over the line was a sex change curse. If Cas is really stuck on the idea he can probably just go possess some poor chick instead of Jimmy. It is no longer Sam’s problem. If it ever was. Which it wasn’t. No matter what the girls in the ‘Sam Ships It’ trope on AO3 think. Cas is a fully grown, Angel of the friggin’ Lord, if he wants to say no he can damn well do it himself. Sam isn’t risking any more emotional scarring than he already has from the ‘Doublemint Twins’ incident of 2007. Nope. They’re on their own. Bad decisions and all. Sam is not knocking on that door.

He goes back to the library. Someone has to try and actually lift this curse or whatever it is. Of course that person is going to be Sam. It’s always Sam. He wonders if you can gift-wrap a thank you.

* * *

The next morning, when Sam hasn’t slept all night but thinks he’s finally figured out the cursed gift there’s no sign of Cas or Dean. Now that he has a cure, Sam finally starts to feel a bit bad.

Maybe he should have tried harder to stop the whole fiasco? He just knows he’s going to have to pick up the emotional pieces. Yet another task that always falls to Sam. Maybe some pro-active risk management was in order.

Sam is making coffee when Cas finally wanders into the kitchen.

“Um…” Sam says. Eloquent.

“Good morning Sam,” Cas says while helping himself to too much coffee. Just like any other morning. If Sam didn’t know better he would swear nothing out of the ordinary was going on at all. Well no more out of the ordinary than their lives always are, anyway. Maybe he dreamed the whole thing?

He glances over at the kitchen table. Nope, little cursed gift box is still there. Shiny blue ribbon and all.

“So is Dean still…” Sam gestures. It isn’t very specific, as gestures go, but Cas gets it anyway and nods.

“He’s gone to take another shower.” Cas half smiles to himself and fuck, now Sam feels really bad. Cas looks almost… content, as he leans back on the kitchen counter and takes a deep sip of bitter coffee.

At least with Dean there’s a reason for his unusually sunny, if still Dean-like, disposition over the whole thing. The curse, or gift if the Men of Letters archive is to be believed, spelled into the box makes the whole experience as ‘tranquil’ as possible. As far as Sam can tell from his extensive exploration of the archives, that’s usually their code for high as balls. Which, pretty much makes sense actually. Dean’s high on freaky sex-change magic, and Cas is just kind of high on Dean.

Sam is just going to have to tell Dean to man-up (woman-up?) and let Cas down easy. Fuck.

“Look… Cas,” Sam tries, and fails, to open the conversation.

“Yes, Sam?” Cas looks at him with that creepy angelic serenity thing, despite the (ick, probably actually) sex-hair, wearing one of Dean’s old plaid shirt and the way he grips the cup of coffee.

Before Sam can get further than another careful “Um,” they’re interrupted. By Dean.

“Dude, this is kind of awesome,” He says as he strides into the kitchen like nothing’s out of the ordinary. Boobs and all.

He hip checks Cas out of the way of the coffee machine, just like usual, before turning back around to stare Sam down with even bigger eyes than he’s used to. Although, of all things the eyes are the most Dean which should be comforting but is mostly uncomfortable. This isn’t quite as bad as Dean being turned into a tween but it’s close. Sam doesn’t like it when his big brother isn’t big. There’s something in him that doesn’t want Dean to be weak or weakened, or changed in any way. Part of him, no matter how much he hates it, that still expects his big brother to save him from all the big bad in the world. Sam breaks eye contact and looks at his coffee instead.

“Dude, if this lasts long enough, we are so going down to Donny’s place,” Dean continues, talks over the sudden discomfort in the air. “And I am totally picking up a chick. It’s gonna be sweet.”

“Dean,” Sam hisses at him in horror. He’s not sure why he’s lowering his voice to a dramatic whisper. Cas is right freaking there. Mostly it’s his own surprise that catches him, makes this a secret. If he says it loud then it’ll be admitting it happened. He’s not even sure when but he knows he learned that one off Dean.

He knows Dean can be callous. But this? Dean, like Sam, has eyes, and ears, and (supposedly) a goddam heart. It makes him uncomfortable so he ignores it, okay, fine. But he must know. He must see it. Dean ignoring the way Cas looks at him is one thing. But this particular development is way too much.

Dean and Cas exchange a look. Which- what?

“Dean,” Sam tries again, a bit more forcefully this time and tilting his head forcefully towards the library door.

Dean rolls his eyes and makes a grumpy huffing sound but Sam is pretty sure if he gets up and walks out Dean would follow.

Instead of forcing him out of the room though, Sam grabs the little cursed box off the table.

“Think fast,” he says, just to watch Dean’s eyes widen when he throws the gift back to him. It’s what Dean used to do when they were kids.

Dean almost fumbles the catch but looks down into the box in his hands. Looks into the now glowing inside of the present.

“Oh,” Dean says. Then he falls to the floor with a gasp, head bowed forward and back arched.

Cas falls to one knee and Sam can’t help but follow even though he was expecting it.

The sparkling gold spreads across Dean’s body. The transformation itself doesn’t actually take that long, but it doesn’t sound or look fun. Dean’s body twists and snaps in ways it shouldn’t, like a werewolf or shifter transformation but less bloody.

Sam hovers and tells himself not to feel guilty. Someone had to put an end to this before it got out of hand. Cas is Sam’s friend, and Dean is his brother. He’s helping. He’s done a lot worse to Dean to save him from himself in the past, why stop now.

“Dean?” it’s Cas this time, voice full of so much concern that Sam almost feels guilty for him too.

Dean looks up. And he’s Dean again. The real Dean. Green eyes damp and blinking up at Sam in confusion for a moment.

“Fuck,” he says at last. “Man, that hurt.”

“Sorry,” Sam says, wincing. Because, despite himself, he actually kind of is. Sam could have at least warned him. Though actually Dean always was a ‘distract me then put my shoulder back in while I’m not looking’ kind of patient.

“Nah, it’s cool.” Dean shakes it off. Like he always does. He reaches out half blind and Cas grabs his arm to help him stand.

“Are you okay?” Cas asks, voice all emotion rough.

“Yeah,” Dean nods again, still too out of it to really push Cas off.

Cas helps Dean to sit down at the table. Dean kind of half nods his thanks, and even accepts the cup of coffee Cas gets him. Then, and only then, Dean glares at Sam.

“Dude, a little warning next time.”

“Next time?”

“Well, you know.”

Sam isn’t sure he knows but if the happy drug effect of the spell is still working Sam’s not going to push his luck too far.

“Um Cas, can you give us a minute?” Sam says instead. The sooner he can get Dean to admit that what he’s doing isn’t fair to Cas the better.

Cas frowns but nods and goes to retreat from the kitchen. Just before he can go Dean reaches out lazily and grabs the mostly-an-angel by the front of his shirt and reels hims in.

Sam can’t believe that he’s actually shocked when Dean kisses Cas with a lazy familiarity. Cas doesn’t even seem surprised, just pleased. But Sam is surprised enough for both of them. Dean just looks smug.

“What?” Sam says.

“What, what?” Dean demands, as Cas wanders off with nothing more than his normal level of fond smile. They both leave Sam to be the only one acting like anything unusual is going on.

“You just kissed Cas. And you’re,” Sam tries to wave at Dean to indicate the obvious ‘back to normal’ and ‘a dude again’ without saying it.

Dean blinks at him. “Um, yeah? And?”

“And…” Sam wasn’t really expecting it to go this easily. He’d always known Dean could not be as oblivious as he seemed. And wondered if Dean might, maybe, perhaps, just a little kind of feel something similar, thus the fake ignorance. But this? Way too easy. Maybe Dean’s possessed or a demon again? Sam frowns.

“Seriously, dude. We had the birds and the bees talk when you were like, ten. Do I really need to spell it out?”

“So, what, one little sex swap spell and now you’re all happy to go gay for an angel?”

Maybe Sam is overreacting. That is a thing that happens sometimes. Especially if he’s on the backfoot and feeling defensive of his family. He’s no longer sure if he’s defending Cas or Dean though.

Dean laughs.

“Technically, I’m bisexual for the angel Sam. Jeez, get it right.” Dean reaches over the table and ruffles Sam’s hair just the way he hates. Like it’s all a big joke. Sam glares at as much as he can while trying to get his hair back out of his face without looking five.

Dean makes that face. The expectant one with the sheepish smile and raised eyebrows, where he’s waiting for Sam to join in a joke even though it just isn’t funny. The one that never fails to make Sam feel about 14 years old and embarrassed by Dean for the first time in his life.

When Sam fails to respond Dean jumps from humor to defensive. At least that’s familiar.

“What, now you’ve got a problem with it?”

“What do you mean now? I had a problem with it last night!”

“Why?”

Sam had an answer for that. He did. But now it’s gone. He tries to articulate it anyway.

“Because you can’t do that to Cas.”

“I can’t… look, Cas knows exactly what he got into, man. Don’t you think he would have bailed like, years ago if he didn’t?”

“Years?”

Dean looks at Sam like Sam’s the one who is acting strange.

“Don’t be such a girl,” Dean says, dismissing the whole topic and missing the irony.

“When… how did… how?”

“Now you want to know about my sex life?” Dean gets up to get himself another cup of coffee. Maybe to avoid looking at Sam, or maybe just feeding that massive Winchester caffeine addiction. Sam’s not really sure of anything at this point.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam doesn’t mean that to sound quite as whiney as it does.

“Dude, you knew.” Dean turns around to look Sam in the eye as he speaks, and he really sounds like he means it. Maybe Sam should have known. But…

“How long?”

Dean shrugs. “Dunno, few years?”

“A few… years?”

Dean nods. He must still be high from the spell.

“How?”

“That,” Cas says from where he’s somehow reappeared in the doorway. “I am assured, you really don’t want to know.”

Dean laughs. And from the light in his brother's eyes, Sam is suddenly certain the he really doesn’t want to know. He still wants that 'thank you' though.

**Author's Note:**

> If there's any interest I will write Dean's POV of this at some point. It'll be mostly smut, oops!
> 
> [Tumblr](http://kittyaugust.tumblr.com/), I has one. 
> 
> Comments are love! Kudos is life. Thanks for reading.


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